From the Sidelines
by Blood Angel
Summary: Riku tells about his hidden feelings for his best friend After being pulled apart after a grad incident they meet again a few years later Will Riku ever tell Sora about his feelings or will he have 2 take it 2 his grave 1shotAUSongfic RS R&R!


**Disclaimer:** Yes, I am the creator of Kingdom Hearts!! …psh, yeah right, I wish :P Also, I don't own the song "Foolish Games" who is sung by Jewel. Personally, I don't like Jewel, but the song's not bad and the lyrics fit well, so…yeah…

**Pairings: **Riku/Sora (…sorta . ), little bit of Tidus/Sora

**Warnings:** Well, it's just a little sad, but I'll let you be the judge of that. Heavy on the angst, it's AU (alternate universe), maybe OOC, this is a oneshot, songfic, implications of sex and alcohol(not really), and it's shounen-ai/yaoi/slash/boy on boy (whichever you prefer) :p There's more, but if I told you, I'd be ruining the story ;;

**Synopsis: **Ok, bear with me now cuz I suck at these . Alright, so, as I said before, this is an AU fic, so that means Riku and Sora are not on Destiny Island. Instead they're living in the modern world and they're a bit older. Maybe around 17, 18 ) well, they grow older in this fic later on too) And it's written in Riku's POV.  
Now, with that little info blob done with, the story's actually about Riku telling you about his hidden feelings for Sora. It deals with that whole: bestfriend-in-love-with-friend-but-doesn't-want-to-risk-their-friendship-or-in-other-words-is-too-chicken-to-reveal-his-feelings sort of story. That pretty much says everything about it really… Just read it…I told you I suck at these :P

**Note from Author: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! **This was actually a little fanfic to an original story I'm writing (can it really be called a fanfic??? :S) and I just changed the characters around to make it a KH fic so if you see any out of place she's he's and her's, uumm…just tell me about them and I'll change it, must have missed them…:P Oh, and please R & R!!! …please? Just one? …no? awww… :(

**From the Sidelines**

_(A Kingdom Hearts Song fic: Foolish Games - Jewel)_

_**You took your coat off and stood in the rain,  
You're always crazy like that.  
And I watched from my window,  
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.**_

I can remember always glancing down through the partially fogged glass, down into the dark, deserted street. You would always be out there, a shadow beneath the lonely blurred out streetlamp of the quiet suburban. I could only see the outline of your face, pale in comparison with your surroundings, a relaxed, blissful expression playing on your features.

The rain poured down, scattering and running off your dark raincoat, the slight pitter patter of the fat drops could be heard as they cascaded past my fingers. I wiped off the slight fog from my hot breath to get a view of you. A puff of white air materialized from your face as you sighed, and my sharp eyes watched as you slowly unbuttoned your raincoat. Watching as the dark clothing slipped off onto the ground, I felt the urge to go out and hand you a towel, but you looked so comfortable. I could only imagine standing out there with you, listening to the soft sounds of the summer rain, feeling the pleasurable wetness of the warm water as it fell off my face like tears.

How crazy that would be, and I would always wonder why you did it. You could get sick standing out there, but I knew you didn't care so I never pushed. You always said it was relaxing, a great way to let the stress flow away with the small rivers flowing down the street. You were always crazy like that, and I always yearned to be crazy with you.

The glass of my window was the only thing that separated you from me, but I knew I couldn't breach it. I could never build enough courage to step out of my door to join you; I could never break into that little world that revolved around you, a world that didn't include me—would never include me.

_**You're always the mysterious one with  
Dark eyes and careless hair,  
You were fashionably sensitive  
But too cool to care.**_

You were always the happy one, striding down the crowded halls of our high school. Heads would turn and greet you as you passed, but turn away as I appeared. No one looked at me, only at you, but I didn't care for that. I didn't mind living in your shadow.

You never had a good sense style either, your clothes always out of the fad, but that was only one of your traits that made you shine from all the rest.

You'd run you're hand through spiky chestnut locks and glance those brilliant blue eyes at me. Giving a smile, you'd tug me closer, telling me that I was falling behind, and I'd relish the distance.

I would joke along with the rest of your friends—your friends not mine. The only reason I was there was of you, I only enjoyed your company and yours alone. You were all I needed. Being the fool of the group, I'd casually flirt with your girlfriends, but my eyes were never on them. And you'd laugh, a high chiming laugh, entitling me a player, and I would smile for we both knew that wasn't true.

_**You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say  
Besides some comment on the weather.**_

Hearing the ring of the door bell, I remembered walking lazily to the front door to see who it was. I wasn't surprised to see you, a dark shadow lingering past your eyes. But you'd smile, just a smile not a grin, and say a little hello. I invited you in which was unnecessary because you practically lived there anyway. We'd make our way up the stairs, past my younger sister Kairi's room, of who you greeted casually.

Once in my room, we'd sit side by side on top of my bed, just staring out of my small, rectangular window. No words were exchanged at first, but then you said something. It wasn't something in particular, just something about the weather. I knew there was something wrong, I could hear it in your voice. That small bluntness, flat tone in your short words. I looked at you, silently assuring you that you could tell me anything. We were best friends after all, known each other as neighbors even before we could walk. There was another moment of silence before you finally turned your head to me, a thin trail of a tear making its way down your cheek. My eyes softened almost feeling your pain, and I wrapped my arms around you in a sign of comfort. You'd clutch to me and your pained words spilled in a jumble of mixed sentences. You told me of your parent's brawls and future plans of divorce, the tales of how your sister had run off with a man twice her age, and how your cat had died after it was run over by a car.

I'd sit there and listen quietly until you finished, sniffing and exhausted. I would rub my hand against the small of your back whispering useless words. You'd sit up and drag your sleeve against your wet, puffed up eyes. A small, sad smile would flutter at the tips of your mouth. I wished that I could press my lips against them, but I had no right to, and that made my own eyes loose their shine. But I smiled back and said that it was not a problem after your small thanks.

_**Well in case you failed to notice,  
In case you failed to see,  
This is my heart bleeding before you,  
This is me down on my knees, and...**_

After, you'd just leave, and I'd be left alone. I would lie on my bed, smelling the faint fragrance of your scent that you'd leave behind. That faint smell of the ocean. I'd look up to the white, blank ceiling above me and my thoughts would swirl.

Would I ever become more then just a friend? Would I ever earn the right to hold you as a lover rather then just a comforting companion, a therapist to spill your thoughts to? I was always there for you, helped you out through all your bad times, but you never really noticed. You were so oblivious to my feelings, oblivious to the obvious love that shone through my eyes that were only directed at you. I loved you for the longest time, and you never noticed.

After all, who couldn't love those ever-laughing cerulean eyes that shaded depending on your emotions, your strange, perky hair that would always stay in place even through the roughest of winds, or your spontaneous personality? I don't quite remember the first time I realized that I held deep feelings for you; I guess I always had them. It's as if my love for you was as necessary as oxygen, as natural as breathing. Our time together was so sacred; I would never exchange them for anything. Every time we'd be together, it was never boring. We'd always find something new to talk about or do, something new to discover. It was always an adventure for us.

I remember the times I would joke about you and I getting together, but you would always just give me a bewildered look and laugh it off as if it was the joke I had disguised it as. After that, I never really had the courage to confess.

_**These foolish games are tearing me apart,  
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.  
You're breaking my heart.  
You're always brilliant in the morning,**_

I can remember the night of our graduation, the after party. A group of friends and us had gotten together, all of legal age, so we went to a local club. We had a few drinks, danced around for a while, and before we knew it, we were totally drunk. You more then me, though, I was still a bit sober.

The moments after that were of a total and complete blur. We eventually left the club and decided that we were too far from home to walk and it never occurred to us that we could have called a cab. I'm somewhat happy we didn't. We rented rooms at a nearby hotel and… The whole scenario pains me, yet the memories that stayed with me, truly warms my heart. For that night no thoughts really passed our minds, just raw desire, and we did the unthinkable, the impossible—we made love.

Or, at least, that's what I like to think it was. For you, you barely remembered. The sight of your lovely face framed by long locks of chocolate that splayed around your face, totally contrasting the white of the linen pillow was like a piece of heaven. I just laid there, basking in the small sunlight that made its way through the blinds of the small hotel room. I watched as your long, deep breath racked your smooth body as you slept through a comfortable slumber. Like a fallen angel…

It was as if all hell had broke loose when you awoke, and I could only watch as my world crumbled around me, leaving me cold and shivering in the emptiness that it left. You awoke, with a major hangover, and no remembrance of what had happened. I asked you if you could recall anything, anything at all—and you didn't. I decided then, that I wouldn't tell you, but how could I lie to you once you had asked?

The expression on your face was like a blow to my head. You looked so scared, as mixed emotions fluttered past your orbs of the sea. My giddy feeling that I had once held left me as quickly as the time it took for your tears to fall. You just laughed it off, as easy as flipping a fly off your shoulder. You laughed hysterically as the tears just kept falling and I cried deep inside—my soul was crying, and it has been ever since.

Your careless words tore at my heart, ripping it to shreds even smaller then they already were. You said that it was a mistake, a drunken act that meant nothing. I almost blurted that maybe it meant nothing to you, but to me, it meant everything.

After that, everything seemed to become awkward between us. You wouldn't look into my eyes anymore, and our conversations seemed to be cut short. Once college approached we went our separate ways. We still called each other for, apparently we were still friends, but there was nothing special between us anymore. Soon, the calls ended as well as the short emails. I longed to see you again, to hear your sweet voice, but I was such a coward that I couldn't pick up the phone and dial that too familiar number. I still loved you and you were the only thing that kept me going. The thought that maybe, once I graduated, we'd reunite, and I'd finally be able to be back by your side just like old times.

_**Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.  
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.  
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones  
As I clumsily strummed my guitar.**_

That thought stayed with me for the next couple of years, but slowly, it was dying bit by bit everyday, like my heart. I remembered the nights I'd hold up my photo album of our life way back when. You can barely make out the slight tear stains that decorate the cover.

I bet you can't even imagine the shock I felt when I saw you, sitting in the corner of that secluded little coffee house near Central Park. I moved to New York shortly after college, looking for work. That day, it just so happens that my college friend who was currently letting me stay with him, owned that coffee house and one of the performers of the live night entertainment program fell ill. After much persuasion and a bit of bribing, I ended filling that spot. It must have been fate.

I had never actually played my guitar in front of a crowd before, only to my family and you, but I felt confident. However, as I stepped onto that small stage, squinting from the bright lights, all confidence left me as I observed the crowd. It was a small shop and the crowd didn't look that big, that is, until you actually went onto the stage. Butterflies fought in my stomach and I felt sick, but as I scanned the group my eyes laid on a familiar head of spiky brown. My heart leapt and my eyes widened. I could see my friend, Donald, urging me to start my song, but I just stood there, breathless. As curious cobalt eyes turned to me, I knew at once that it was you. There was no way I could forget your eyes, those eyes I had once fell in love with. That mysterious feeling bubbled at my chest, that feeling I hadn't felt for years.

At first you didn't recognize me, just stared. I guess I had changed quite a bit. My hair was in a different style but it was still the same shade of silver as it once was in high school. My face had thinned and pointed as I slowly lost most of my baby fat. My body, too, grew more muscular and a lot less skimpy as I grew more masculine. But my eyes never changed, they were still that soft color as they gazed into your own blue orbs.

At that moment, I heard my fingers strum at the guitar in my hands. A slow, enchanting melody flew gently through the musty air of the coffee house. The words just began to flow off my tongue, and I had no idea what was going on. My long encased feelings seemed to spill out in a melodic tune, and I kept my eyes gently locked upon yours.

"_You took your coat off and stood in the rain, you're always crazy like that. And I watched from my window; always felt I was outside looking in on you…"_

My eyes were still holding onto yours, desperately searching for even a touch of recognition, but they held none. You were just trapped in a spell of enchantment. My eyes softened as my loving words reached out to you, my chest tight from the deep feelings that I'd kept for so long. I didn't believe that I was actually there, spilling out my well-kept secrets to crowd of strangers…and you.

"_Well in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see, this is my heart bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees, and…"_

The rest of the song just played out and it ended. I felt a large weight lift off my chest as I observed the crowd give me a standing applause. Yet, I didn't bow, or smile in self-approval. I just watched as slow recognition fleeted past your eyes. I saw them widen, and watched as your hand suddenly flew up to your mouth.

But then, I realized that you were not alone, for a fairly attractive man placed a large hand upon your shoulder. Our eye lock was broken then, and you looked to the man beside you, the two of you exchanging soft words. I left the stage in utter confusion as the next act approached me.

_**Well, excuse me, guess **_

_**I've mistaken you for somebody else,  
Somebody who gave a damn,  
Somebody more like myself.**_

Later that night, I had decided that I'd lock up for Donald and help with the after work clean up. He had to go to his six year old daughter's piano recital. The shop was closed and there was barely any traffic outside, aside from the low rumble of a random lone car. All I could think of was you, and who your companion was. But the slight happiness that I felt from seeing you again, after all those years easily dominated those feelings.

As I swept the floor, my attention was drawn to the door beside me as I heard a small tap. The door was made of glass so I could easily make out the figure behind it. My breath left my lungs as I recognized who it was. You smiled a bit, that little smile of yours, and you waved with a dark gloved hand. I left the broom against a nearby wall and hastily approached you.

Your breath came out in raspy tone as you said a warm hello. I could see the small puffs of warm air in the cold winter sky.

As I led you into the shop, I politely put down a chair for you, and you slid down with small thanks. I asked you if you wanted some coffee but you gently declined. Of course, I knew you hated coffee, how could I forget? So I offered some hot chocolate instead. You lightly chuckled at the question and nodded slowly. You always claimed that I made the best hot chocolate.

Setting the hot mug in front of you, I sat down in a chair across from where you sat. You sipped at the hot liquid and I laughed as I observed you flinch as you burnt your tongue. I found it rather cute and you just scowled at me.

We began to catch up on old times, sharing laughs and old memories as we conversed. I felt whole again, like it once was. For the time we had spent apart, I only felt empty and alone.

You talked about Art College and about your new friends, about your family and your two year old step brother. You fascinated me with your tales of traveling the world, to Italy and France to study art. I told you about my school years, but there wasn't really anything interesting about those stories, mainly because they didn't involve you.

As the night went by all too quickly, I found myself strumming at my guitar as you listened attentively. I sang you some songs that I just randomly made up, and you seemed so joyful during them. You just kept asking for more. Soon, conversation picked up again, and we talked for another good half an hour. As I was in the middle of telling you about my job, I watched as you rummaged through your pockets. My eyes squinted as I saw a small packet in your hand and you looked up as you flipped it open. Taking out short white stick, you looked at me expectantly. You asked if I minded and I lied curtly that it was alright. As you flicked at the lighter the small stick grew ablaze and you wrapped thin lips around the end, taking a long drag.

I took that moment to drink in your new appearance. Your once light chocolate hair was now of a deeper shade. Your face had matured and grown even sharper, and your cerulean eyes seemed to grow even darker, holding maturity and no more of that child-like innocence that they had once captured. You had changed a lot; you didn't resemble an angel anymore because now—you were one.

How much had I missed when we were apart? Since when did you smoke or get any fashion sense? You were so different from before, yet, you didn't change at all. You still held that gentle look and soft words, and your incapability to hide your true emotions. You were still that boy who once was my best friend, who still is, of whom I loved and still love.

_**These foolish games are tearing me apart,  
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.  
You're breaking my heart.**_

And then, our conversation seemed to approach the subject of our graduation. We both went silent at that. I almost told you what I really felt, that I didn't think it was a mistake and I didn't regret it, that I still loved you. But just as I opened my mouth, you shook your head slowly.

What you said next surprised me greatly. I just sat there in half shock, half dread. I watched as your lips formed those cursed words, and I felt myself give a fake grin. No, this couldn't be happening, it just couldn't. This was not how it was suppose to go—you weren't suppose to get engaged with anyone but me.

_**Well, excuse me, **_

_**guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,  
Somebody who gave a damn,  
Somebody more like myself.**_

And so here I am, with my smiling mask covering the ugly hate and heart-breaking sadness that's held within. I sat near the front row as I observed you exchange vows with your new found groom, exchange the words of which I only dreamed of.

It was now that I realized how much of an idiot I was. All those chances I had to admit my love to you now didn't matter anymore. I just can't stop asking myself why I didn't tell you before it were too late.

I must admit, you looked absolutely ravishing in your pure white tux and your spouse was actually quite nice. He was that man with you that night at the coffee house. Your messy hair was now combed down neatly, and gelled to perfection. I gazed heatedly as the two of you stared lovingly into each other's eyes before sharing your first kiss as a joined couple, and I desperately wished with all my heart that I was up there, instead of that man. Weren't gay weddings just wonderful?

As the ceremony finished, I waited outside the doors, waiting for the two of you to come out. As the doors opened my breath caught as you couple emerged, smiling as if it was the greatest day known in history. I just watched from the side, looking pleased even though I clearly wasn't.

Before the both of you started down the steps of the chapel, you glanced back at me and smiled a warm smile. Your eyes were alight with that light only I could have produced long ago. My emerald eyes burned with a green, jealous fire. At that moment I wanted to stop you, grab a hold of your hand and take you away with me, and leave that wretched bastard that stole you from me. I wanted to kiss you, touch you, and tell you that I loved you more then anything, that I wanted you to look only at me, to love me. But I didn't, because all I did was smile back, a small, sad, genuine smile, for then I realized that I'd lost you. After all, all I was, and all I'd ever be is the best friend, the one who only watched from the sidelines…

_Yours truly, and Love with all my heart,_

_Riku_

_**You took your coat off,  
Stood in the rain,**_

Sora stood before a large white marble tombstone, the rain splashing against his rosy cheeks and his hair billowed from the wind. His salty tears ran with the rain drops and he shivered slightly from the cold. He wore no raincoat, that article of clothing long since forgotten at his feet. He stared down hard at the stone, his eyes hazy and blank with fury. His hand clutched tightly at a damp piece of paper, one that he treasured most.

"Why didn't you just tell me? Why, Riku…why did you do this to yourself?" he sobbed as spasms racked his small frame. Why, was the only word that fleeted across his mind, the deep pain of losing such a close friend was devastating for him. He clenched his teeth hard and his fingers curled around the delicate paper, the letter that was left on a lone chair under a shadow of which he didn't want to think about.

He couldn't help but wonder if all of this could have been prevented. What if he actually asked Riku what was wrong when those dark looks would cross his features, instead of letting them slip? He had no idea his best friend was in love with him, the thought just never crossed his mind. But deep down, a part of his soul had died along with him. Down there he knew he had loved him before. He was crazy over him but he was always afraid that admitting it would have cost him their strong friendship. He never knew that it'd be quite the contrary.

Warm arms wrapped around his shoulders and a hot breath cascaded over his neck as his husband settled behind him. He smiled and looked back at his soft expression and light blue eyes. "Are you ok, love? We'd better get going or you'll catch a cold." He whispered gently. Sora nodded and turned around so that he could properly embrace him. "Yeah, I suppose you're right Tidus…" he whispered back before he pecked his husband's chilled lips.

As they made their way back to their car, Sora took one last look at the marble tombstone, one that held an engraving of an angel under the thick name of: Riku (insert last name here).

_**You're always crazy like that…**_

"I loved you too…" he whispered to him, but his voice was lost in the soft pitter patter of the rain.

_**Owari – The End**_

A/N: So, how was it? It wasn't that sad, but hey, I was bored and this is what came out :P And yeah, if you haven't got it, Riku committed suicide (hung himself)…L… I don't know why I did it but…I did, so there :P I have a 'thing' for killing off my fav characters :p So, I really hoped you liked it . Riku/Sora rock Please R&R! thx! Oh, and HAPPY 05!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BTW: ...what _is _Tidus's eye color??? . haven't played ffx yet, gotta borrow it off my friend ...

Just noticed that I spelt Tidus' name wrong, thx Kana. I had it right at first but then the spell check changed it automatically . Damn spellcheck


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